Queer anger
Written 2024-01-06
At the time of writing, a day has passed since the performer, The Vivienne of Drag Race UK, passed away at 32. This comes a year after Bandit of Drag Race Thailand died at 38 and two years since Cherry Valentine, also of Drag Race UK, died at 28. We do not know the cause of death but it is likely that is by suicide, as was the case for Bandit and Cherry. This also comes a month after she was attacked with homophobic vitriol after appearing on a BBC quiz show and a year after being hate crimed, with her attacker only being sentenced to 12 weeks in prison. My heart is absolutely devastated that again we lose a beacon in the queer community, but more than that I am so mad. As expected of social media, news of her death had people estatic over it.
We are in a time of our history where we are being brutally faced with the fact that queer people are still not accepted and that it feels like the majority of the world would rather see us dead than living our best lives. It's impossible to go on any form of social media as a queer person, ESPECIALLY if you are trans, without being attacked. Hell, its impossible to go anywhere in real life being queer. Only five months ago did I actively fear for my life when, on my college campus, drunk kids attempted to knock down the door I was in to presumably attack me, calling me and my friend faggots. When we left, twice did we also get called faggots by other men, simply by being outwardly gay; all of this happening the day of Pride. Returning home from another Pride festival earlier that year I was called faggot twice. I This knowledge hurts further when I think of people who claim to be supportive of queer rights (incl. my parents) but decided that voting for Trump was better than making sure their fellow human beings felt loved, or those who didn't vote (or voted third party) who knew that what they would do would cause more pain and suffering.
I'm tired and scared of being around straight people and it should never be a wonder on why I will refuse to be in a room where the majority of people are cishet men-- especially if they are drunk. I don't trust them and I will never trust that they will view me as equal to them. Any cishet I have seen that claims to be for queers will not critique their friends' homophobia-- even in front of me they will use my queerness a sort of punchline.
Generally, I am a major proponent of queer joy and that our greatest act of resistance is being out, proud, and authentically ourselves. I still hold this belief-- I will never tune down who I am for the comfort of men who get scared when they see a pronoun and whose closest proximity to a consenting person's vagina was when they were born-- but today I'm mainly going to be espousing queer anger. It is time that we turn this grief into something productive.
My approach to queer anger is perhaps under the nihilistic belief that we as queer people will never enjoy the same human rights or dignity as cishet people will. Every minoritized group who get international covenants and amendments protecting them still do not enjoy this benefit, and its delusional to believe that we, who are always at the lowest rung, will be any different. This, of course, is promoted by capitalism and the need to keep the proletariat infighting to preserving the working class-- but I'm far too angry now to argue for lefist ideology. It's time for the queers to bash the queer bashers.
We must be there for each other and cry out when one of our own is hurt-- no matter how small the offense is. Let a single slur thrown our way be retaliated by a thousand arrows. Some may shake their heads, stating "violence begets more violence", but what are we to do when we are killed en masse to the laughter of the world? We must fight back. I want to see those laughing faces broken in. They can not be reasoned with and I will not forgive them. The unimaginable pain they have extolled must be paid back in kind.
To The Vivienne: I never knew you but you were a delight to see on my screen. I hope the world that you are in now is much kinder than our world is. I also hope for ease of life for their family and friends-- and for all queerhood.
Addendum: I also urge you all to follow the words of Karla Sofía Gascón (the first out trans performer to win best actress at the Cannes Film Festival)'s winning Golden Globe speech yesterday: “I have a lot of things to say to you because you can maybe put us in jail, you can beat us up, but you never can take away our soul, our existence, our identity. I want to say to you, Raise your voice. I am who I am; know who you are."